I and Me in Conflict: 3 Ways to get past it

Many of you keep asking me why people do not understand your way of thinking.

Antonio, 20, sent me an email at askgiusru@gmail.com detailing his relation with friends.

Today I’m answering you, Antonio, and I’m starting with the so-called “ I “ and “ Me “.

If you’re asking what these two terms mean, they were coined by George Herbert Mead, one of the father of modern sociology: the “I” refers to how an individual look at itself, the “Me” refers to how an individual is seen by others. These two positions are made of the same ingredients (such as values, goals, way of thinking..), but mixed differently. Think about a cake: you can make it using more sugar or less chocolate than me.

So people keep experimenting a state of tension between these two self-image and this lead us to frequent misunderstanding in daily life.

Antonio is studying at Luiss but he doesn’t feel good in here. He’s saying to me that everybody is not understanding his values of sacrifice and tenancy because his group of friends has never experienced a bad time like he did.

So I am here reading his e-mail and I see a little big boy who knows who he is but don’t know how to express himself. And this is the starting point of conflict between I and Me.

Here you can find 3 easy way, directly from recent sociology:

  1. Change your reference group

Being in a group that doesn’t match the main characteristics of your-self will lead inevitably to a state of persistent tension. You will keep trying to please your group feeling bad with yourself.

Try to change your reference group. You have a clear idea of what you are: find a person that matches your values and objectives. You will see that tension will diminish even if it will not disappear at all.

  1. “Teach” others

It’s not easy like it seems, but if you think you and others are building a real solid relationship, it should be better you tell them openly who you are.

Tell them your fears, your ambitions, your goals and achievements: in other words “teach them” about your real-self.

You will receive a positive feedback from others if you keep doing these steps towards them, and if you do not receive that feedback, well, you will happily come back to step 1.

  1. Change in consumption

This is the other way to teach others about your real-self. If you’re not succeeding in talking with them, you can switch your consumption to products which “speak about you”.

People will see the symbols you use to dress your self-image and you will receive instantly a feedback from who recognize them.

These were 3 easy way to get past a conflict between I and Me.



Thanks for reading this post and keep emailing me at askgiusru@gmail.com for further requests.

Please comment and share and do not forget to #TakeitEasy with yourself!

We’ll see next Monday,



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